New Paradigm Brewing, Elkhart, IN

New Paradigm is an excellent testament to the importance of a solid location to the success of any establishment. It sits in downtown Elkhart, which isn't exactly a tourist mecca. In fact, let me list some reasons why you might find yourself on that particular sidewalk that is adjacent to the post office and train station:

1. You are going to a show at the Lerner--This seems like the best reason. I know they have David Allan Coe coming up, and I love me some shitty old school Country, so I will most likely be hitting up New Paradigm to pre-funk.
2. Your level of alcoholism is so ridiculously high that a trip to the post office cannot be made without a pre or post libation.
3. While waiting for a train at the rail crossing, your car stalls, and you decide to walk away from it and pretend like it is someone else's car.
4. While waiting to catch a train at the depot, you decide to have a beer.
5. While waiting for your dope dealer at the depot, you decide to have a beer.

That's really about it.

The joint itself, is actually pretty good. I swung in on purpose on a Friday after work. I had to go out of my way to do it, which unless I worked for the post office or Amtrak, I would have to do regardless. I stopped because it says "New Paradigm Brewing" in the window and I like craft beer. I hope this place survives.

I entered and sat at the bar. There were three people sitting at the bar dead smack in the middle, no stools between them. They were eating burgers that looked good and not conversing with each other. They didn't look mad at each other, and they obviously weren't strangers. The person in the middle was the wife to one of the fellas on either side. I'm not sure which one.

Maybe it was both. It wasn't my business.

The bartender brought me a beer list, and was pleasant about it. By the way he carried himself, I feel as though "proprietor" might have been a better word than "bartender". They had four of their own beers on tap, then a bunch of other local beers from the Michiana neighborhood.

And Miller Lite.

I ordered one of theirs. The Big Hopbowski they called it. It was fine. Not special, not offensive. I generally get uncomfortable when I go into a place and they are carrying other people's beers. It seems to me like having a supermodel girl friend and spanking it to fat girl porn. Mill Creek Brewing in Walla Walla really pissed me off for that reason. They had a wide variety of their own, but always had Coor's Light on special. The difference in this case, was that the Mill Creek was right downtown in a perfect location that adjoined the trendy Walla Walla shops and downtown scene to Whitman College. The Mill Creek was the place to go.

The New Paradigm was in a situation where they just needed to get people in the door. I could not begrudge them.

I was disappointed that there were not more people in there. It was four o'clock on a Friday, and the Cubs and White Sox were only five minutes away from a first pitch in an interleague game. The game was on, but there was a lot of atmospheric potential that never materialized.

They had hard liquor and a pool table for fuck's sake!

And then just as I was thinking about it, three hipster girls came walking in. They sat at the other end of the bar. I couldn't tell what was ordered, but two of them had beers, and the other one had white wine. At least they talked to each other, which was far ahead of the odd little ménage-a-trois to my immediate left.

I found myself not feeling it as I sat there and drank. We have all been there. That moment when you are in a spot, and for whatever reason, you just don't feel like being there.

The final straw came when a fat-bellied hipster dude with dandruff and a tie came and sat down next to me. He was greeted by the proprietor and ordered a beer by some other brewery. I was offered the opportunity to keep drinking from with a light finger point and a "Doin' awright?"

"Nah, I'm good, but thanks," I said. Then I left.

I felt guilty for not buying three more beers and a case to go, just so they could keep their doors open, but fuck. Unlike those hipsters, I can't go around saving the world.

Rant and Rave Volume 1

Today marks the about-a-month-or-so anniversary of my move to the Midwest. I shouldn't complain too much because you guys have all been real nice to me, but I might anyway. Maybe this is all shit that should go in the "Biographical Information" section, but I don't really care. This is more of a rant or a musing about what I have learned so far.

Sorry if I piss you off.

The thing is I am an ass hole. I say sharp and abrupt things with very little concern for people's feelings. I do not do this for the sake of shock value or to make me feel better about myself, I do this because the things that I say are a real time commentary of the way that I view the world at that particular moment. With that being said, let me provide a little commentary on the beer I have drank, the shit I have seen, and whatever else tickles my pickle over the past month or so.

Early on in my Michiana experience, I picked up some Sunspot by Greenbush Brewing. It tasted like shit. I could give you some snobbery break down of it, but that isn't how I roll. You won't hear me speak of IBUs and aromas on this blog. I don't believe in either of those terms. Ratings, awards, honors, honours with a u, and other such subjective bull shit do not appeal to me--and this is my blog, not yours. There are two ways that something can taste. Good and bad. That is it.

Fortunately, I was able to plug my nose and suck it down and then go buy some other stuff. Robert the Bruce by Three Floyds was a solid choice. It's a Scottish ale, and there is not much that beats a good Scottish ale. I could drink that shit all day--but I didn't because I only had six and they were expensive. I stretched them out for a week, which was very difficult. We had a 19-pack of Miller Lite, so my routine was to drink one of the good beers, then follow it with three of the piss-waters.

Before you purists start bitching at me for drinking something as common as a Miller Lite, go fuck yourselves. Piss-water beer has its niche. I mean, shit, McDonald's isn't fine dining, but when the kids are in the car, or you are on a long haul, sometimes you have to do it. And when you do it, you are going to supersize that shit because go big or go home. Fuck no, I don't want McDonald's for dinner every night, but unlike some of you snobs, I can't afford to drink four craft brews a night.

The other nice thing about shit beer is that it lacks substance and creates less of a hangover. If I want to drink six Miller Lites I will still function and not get a big ass headache. It doesn't work that way with a craft beer. Craft beer is not meant to be pounded. Same thing with one of those fancy restaurants that you need reservations for. Good expensive food, but with small portions.

And while I am thinking about it, Michiana is a stupid fucking name. I lived on the Washington-Idaho border for four years, and the Oregon-Washington border for eight. We didn't start combining names to make our own bullshit region. No. We despised the ass holes across the border, agreed on nothing except that all those fucking Californians need to go back home. Fuck Michiana.

However I will concede that Washingho would have been a cool name for everyone in Spokane Valley-Post Falls and Pullman-Moscow.

I think it is also a waste to be drinking a good craft beer when you are already drunk. Anybody who has ever drank beer has drank themselves to the point where they can't taste it anymore. What the fuck is the point in that? If you are going to get drunk, do it right.

Busch 30-packs fit perfectly under a college dorm bed for a good reason. That should be any 19 year-old's go to. The hipsters are ruining PBR for me. Why do they like that shit?

I went through South Bend yesterday and had sometime to kill. I had been to Evil Czech and loved the shit out of it last year, but I wanted to find a place that I had never been before. I used MapQuest to search craft breweries and it took me to three different places that had either been shut down or never existed. I stopped and walked around at Notre Dame a little and remembered that the only thing more irritating than college kids is rich college kids. It made me miss sitting at the Ram next to Husky Stadium in Seattle before UW games. I ended up leaving town without having a beer, which was a damn shame.

A goddamn shame.

You fuckers go on and have yourselves a good week this week. Later.